Using Common Courtesy Communicating with and about People with Disabilities
A person with a disability is a PERSON, first and foremost and should be treated with the same respect and manners that you would anyone else. Though the person may talk or look different than you do, that does not make them any less of a person. If a description is needed, use people first language in referring to the person, as “a person who uses a wheelchair,” “a person with hearing difficulties,” “a person who is blind,” etc. People, in general, do not like to be 'labeled' at all!
Face to face communication is the best way to communicate. Whether or not a person can hear or understand you, s/he can often read your facial expressions or lips. If an interpreter is present, do not address him or her, address the person you are speaking to. Do not ask a companion or care provider about the preferences of the person. Ask the person directly, even when you know the person will need assistance in responding.
If a person has a visual impairment or difficulty with memory or recognition, s/he will appreciate your announcing yourself and saying your name (“Hi, Mr. Jones, I'm Sally Smith from Can Do…”). Shaking hands is an accepted practice when you meet another person, whether or not you have met previously. Extend your hand and lightly grasp or touch the person's hand. Shaking hands in this way is also acceptable in situations when the person cannot extend his/her own hand and when s/he uses the left hand instead of the right. Never pat an adult on the head or shoulder instead of shaking hands, this is demeaning. When you leave or end the conversation, be sure to give a verbal clue ("I've got to go, I'll see you next time, good bye….") Offer Assistance, and Wait Until Your Offer is AcceptedNot everyone with a disability wants or needs help! By asking, you give the person a chance to decide whether or not they want or need help. Pushing a wheelchair, moving items, taking items out of a person's hands or grabbing an arm or leg may cause more of a disturbance than help. Make a specific offer (“Can I give you a hand with that heavy door?” “May I reach that carton for you?” “Can I help you read those signs?”) rather than “Do you need help?” Wait for acceptance before “helping.” Provide a brief description of what you are doing as you help (“I'll take the bag from your left hand first…” “I'm reading the building directory.” “What is the best way I can help?”). Don't make the person feel helpless by accepting your offer. Unwanted help is no help at all.
Every person has dignity and it should be respected. Whether a person is of short stature or has limitations in his/her cognitive or communication skills, s/he should be addressed as an adult. This means addressing strangers as “Mr.” or “Ms.,” using simple adult language, and avoiding childlike references (“Are you having a good time?”). Again, do not pat an adult on the head or shoulders. Do not use labels such a “special” or “inspirational” - labels are for jars not people. Do not ask strangers questions about their disability (“What happened to you?” “Can you see at all?” “Is that leg fake?”) You would not ask a stranger his or her age, weight or religion. A person's disability is also a personal issue.
A person's adaptive equipment should be considered a part of that person and should be given “personal space.” Do not touch or lean against a person's walker, wheelchair or crutches. Many power devices such as communication devices and prostheses are very complex and can be easily disturbed by a touch or sudden change. These are working pieces of equipment and should not be treated as toys (“Can I try that?”). The same is true for service animals. They should not be petted, talked to or distracted while working. You wouldn’t ask to try on another person's shoes or glasses in a social situation; this is the same.
Take time and effort to communicate with people. Listen attentively and make an effort to understand. Don't interrupt, but when the person is finished speaking, paraphrase their statements if you are unsure you understood. Provide feedback such as nodding, verbal reinforcement or facial expressions to communicate that you are listening. Make your responses simple and clear. Speak slowly if an interpreter is being used. If you are communicating with someone who is seated or of small stature, sit or squat down to allow face to face communication. Don't worry about using common terms that may seem inappropriate - most people who cannot see still use phrases like "Look at that." or "Did you see Mary?" Common phrases that refer to senses such as hearing, walking seeing or thinking are seldom taken wrong.
Well meaning people often feel a need to tell a person with a disability what they would, could, or should do to improve their condition (“I saw a show on TV…” “My uncle was temporarily blinded, but now…” “If you just think positive, have faith...”). Most conditions are permanent and will not change, no matter what a person does or feels. Despite the fact that we use the analogy “walk a mile in my shoes,” most of us haven't, and comments such as "I was on crutches for 3 weeks, so I know how you feel…” or “I wear contacts or I'd be blind too…” may be seen as disrespectful. Few of us, with or without disabilities want another person's sympathy. Telling a person s/he is “inspirational,” “special,” or “a pioneer” for accomplishing normal daily tasks may make you appear shallow or without empathy.
The news stories, TV and the movies have done a great disservice in “stereotyping” people with disabilities - like most of what you see and hear, there is a lot of fiction mixed with facts! Sensationalized reports of “psychotic killers” portray people with mental illnesses as violent and aggressive when the truth is that they are far more likely to be the victim than the perpetrator of a crime. People with disabilities are frequently portrayed as helpless, homeless and unemployed. Older depictions of “deaf mutes,” “wheelchair bound invalids,” and “miraculous cures” have perpetuated untrue myths for years. The media is beginning to depict people with disabilities as what they are – people. A lot of damage has already been done but you can help change false perceptions.
If you spend all you time thinking about the dos and don'ts you will not be able to communicate with anyone! Be honest and straightforward. Don't be afraid to use common expressions, make jokes or laugh! If you think you may have made a faux pas, ask the person how s/he feels about what you have said, but don't be surprised if s/he doesn’t even notice or responds with a flippant remark or a laugh!
Do Unto Others as You Would have Them Do Unto You! Just treat people, as you would like to be treated - with dignity and respect, no matter their age, sex, background or disability! |